Twelve Years
by Britttt
Summary: They were in love, no doubt about it. But when Sirius is thrown into Azkaban, Saylie believes hes guilty. When Dumbledore deems him innocent, her forgiveness won't come easily. What happens when she's recruited into the Order and must face her lost love?
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. JK Rowling is the genius.

This is just a prologue for the start of the story...I hope you like it! (:

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_I felt his barking laughter reverberate through his chest as I whispered in his ear, clutching his neck tightly. I never wanted to let him go, ever. We had gone through so much together; he'd been there for me when my parent's died, I'd helped him through the rough spots with his family. We'd been together at Hogwarts and stayed a couple after we had graduated. I thought back on all of the times I'd mistrusted him and accused him of cheating on me. It all seemed insignificant now; he had more than proven his love for me. _

_We just lay there, in the field behind the creek where we used to meet as kids during our summers apart, just holding each other._

_"I love you, Saylie," He whispered through the dark._

_"I love y - " My declaration was interrupted by a flash of lightning and booming thunder. Suddenly, my beautiful flashback turned into a nightmare._

_Everything became icy cold, and I couldn't feel him underneath my fingers anymore._

_"Sirius," I murmured through numb lips. But it was then that I saw them; dementors._

_They glided out through the trees, taking slow, rattling breaths. There was a deep, hazy fog and I couldn't see anymore. I was drowning in my own sorrows, the memories pressing in on me from all sides:_

_The car accident where my loving muggle parents and sister had died, and I was the one who survived. The day I moved in with my two nasty aunts, who insisted it was my own fault I had to come live with them. And, worst of all, the night my love had been taken from me._

_The dementors swooped down upon me, forming a circle around my shaking form as I thrashed and screamed in the grass._

_"No! Bring him back! Leave him alone! No! SIRIUS!"_

I jolted awake in my bed, breathing heavily. His name echoed around and around in my skull. How had my beautiful flashback gone so terribly wrong?

I could ask the same about my life. Putting my face in my hands, I realized my cheeks were wet. This was the only time I did my crying over him - during the night, alone at my flat in London. No one had seen me shed a tear over that disgraceful murderer, nor would they ever see it. I'd had twelve years to get over it, and even though I wasn't, I'd be damned if I let people think I still missed him.

I knew I should never have trusted that Sirius Black.


	2. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER:**_ you know the drill. I own nothing.

To anonymous reviewer **person**: yes, the story will mostly take place during the Order of the Pheonix.

This first chapter might be a little boring, but I swear it'll get better. It's setting the stage for future events. I hope you all like it! :)

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I rushed about my unusually messy flat, throwing on a set of deep maroon robes that clashed perfectly with my golden amber eyes. I was heading to Diagon Alley to have lunch with my best friend, Nymphadora Tonks. She was the only one in _his_ family I could stand, she being just a few years younger than me, and not resolutely evil like the rest of her relatives. Her mother, Andromeda, had been so helpful over the few troublesome years I'd had, bringing Tonks and I ever closer together.

Glancing in the mirror, I saw the bags under my eyes and shuddered involuntarily. The nightmares had been worse than usual last night. In an attempt to make my appearance slightly less frightening, I pinned my long, inky black hair up on one side with a barrette. It would have for to for now, I was already late.

Stepping into the sitting room, I focused on my lunch with Tonks, put all nightmares of of my mind, and apparated into the Leaky Cauldron.

I spotted her instantly, with her trademark bubblegum pink hair in a spiky disarray around her head.

"Tonks!" I hurried over to her, where she sat alone by the bar. Trying not to squeal like a little girl, I plopped down on a stool beside her, grinning broadly.

Due to her Auror training, Tonks and I had been deprived of time together, but gladly things had calmed down some.

Tonks, upon seeing me, was less capable of hiding her enthusiasm.

"Saylie!" She shrieked, knocking over her stool as she jumped up to give me a hug.

"How _are_ you?" I asked excitedly. "How's work been?"

"I'm great, work's great, everything's great! How are _you_?" She had asked the common courtesy question, but we both knew it went deeper than that.

Tonks had been the one to tell me straight away when Black escaped from Azkaban. She too had believed Sirius was a disturbed murderer, and she was his own cousin. She had been one of the first to know about his escape because of her position at the ministry. I had been more nauseated than scared at that piece of news, but that was nothing compared to how I felt at the beginning of last year.

I remember Tonks sending her chameleon patronus over to my flat, asking if it was alright to chat. Of course, I told her to come right over, and when she did, she seemed uncharacteristically worried and edgy. When I asked what was up, she sat me down and landed the blow:

Sirius Black was innocent. James and Lily Potter were forced to go into hiding while Voldemort was in power, knowing he was after them. Sirius was to be secret keeper for their Fidelius charm, but had convinced James to switch to Peter instead, thinking Voldemort wouldn't dream of going for Pettigrew. But Peter had betrayed them all.

My fury at Sirius had started to bubble up then, but Tonks had only just begun; the night Lily and James died, Black had gone to check on Peter. When he saw Peter had disappeared, he immediately went to the Potters', finding their lifeless bodies and destroyed house...

At this point in the tale, the anger was burning through every vein in my body. He had _lied_ to me. He had never told me about Lily and James going into hiding, or even about their deaths. The night he went to check on Peter, he told me he would be back soon, saying he had to run an errand. I had found out my best friend had _died_ many days later, then realized I had been left completely in the dark. Sirius had only gone straight to find Peter, but was framed when Pettigrew faked his own death.

Black had completely disappeared after he'd told me he'd run an errand and be back in an hour. I had sat around for two days, tearful, trying to find out what had happened to him.

And the next thing I'd heard about my so-called "love" was that he'd been hauled off to Azkaban for handing over the Potters to Voldemort and for the murder of Peter Pettigrew and several muggles.

While grieving for Lily, who had been my best friend all through Hogwarts, and James, who had been betrayed by his own "best friend", it had been hard to believe Black was innocent.

But Albus Dumbledore had believed it, and if you couldn't trust Dumbledore, there was no one else you _could _trust.

Even after I had decided to believe he was innocent, I would not agree to see him, as Tonks had suggested many times. I was not convinced he even _wanted _to see me, not to mention the fact that he had still lied to me, still worried me sick those days he disappeared. He had still hurt me deeply...

All those years at Hogwarts, trying to convince me he was trustworthy, despite his reputation, had mounted to nothing in the end. He was a liar. And I could never forgive him.

I jolted out of my reverie as the bartender, Tom, slammed down a glass he had been cleaning out.

"Oh, I've been fine, Tonks, fine," I said, smiling at her genuinely. Over the years, I had become quite good at acting cheerful, as if everything was fine. Even if it wasn't.

"Good." She sounded satisfied with my lie. "You look tired," She mused, waving Tom over and ordering us two butterbeers. I just shrugged, grabbing hold of the drink Tom held out to me, and taking a swig.

The truth was, ever since I'd learned Sirius was innocent, I'd had re-occuring nightmares. They'd all start out with a different flashback of Sirius and I, when we were young and happy. But it would always end the same way: dementors gliding through the happiness with their gloom, taking Sirius away with them as I suffocated in memories and sorrows, screaming into consciousness.

"Where did you say you were working again?" I asked, partly out of curiosity, and partly to change the subject.

"Oh, I, er, didn't say." Tonks suddenly looked nervous. I waited for a minute, but she stayed silent.

"Well?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Well, what?"

"Your job! Where do you do your Auror work these days?" Although I wasn't an Auror (I preferred being a Healer at Saint Mungo's, myself) I knew how to fight and duel pretty well, with and without wands. I could only imagine how Tonks was, despite her dead clumsiness. She'd had loads of training.

"Well," Tonks hesitated with a sly smile. "I'm sure you'll find out eventually."

"Find what out?" I asked, perplexed.

"About my job," Tonks said. "But now's not a good time to discuss it, really."

Realizing she wouldn't say anymore, I sipped my drink suspiciously. Why was it such a big secret?

"Oh, don't give me that look!" She laughed. I put on my most innocent face, which only made her roll her eyes dramatically.

"Don't worry...you'll find out soon enough."

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The rest of the day with Tonks went by a bit too quickly for my liking. It seemed like I had just gotten there, and I was already saying goodbye.

"Promise we'll do this again soon?" I said wistfully, hugging her before we departed.

"I promise," Tonks said with a devious little smirk. "Besides, I'm sure I'll be seeing you sooner than you think." I narrowed my eyes at her laughing form, but before I could say another word, she vanished with a _pop!_

Apparating back to my flat, I swiftly tidied up with a wave of my wand, without even realizing what I was doing. I was slightly annoyed at how obsessive compulsive I had become. Before I could decide which item to put back into its improper place, there was a tap at my kitchen window.

I hurried into the cheerful room, with its bright yellow walls that reminded me of sunshine and its small set of table and chairs, sure enough spotting an owl with the _Daily Prophet _clutched in its beak. Grabbing my money purse off the counter, I opened the window and the tawny owl came fluttering in.

"Here you are," I spoke to it, placing a bronze knut in the bag tied to its leg. "Thank you!" The owl didn't even look at me as it flew back out the window and into the sky. Opening up the paper slowly, I wondered what rubbish they'd printed out today. A look at the front page told me they had not yet seen the light about Voldemort returning.

**Progress Reported By Ministry Officials:**

**Dementors All Accounted For.**

_The Minister of Magic has informed reporters that all of the dementors have been well accounted for at the wizard prison, Azkaban. "Any rumors that are going around," Reporters quoted Cornelius Fudge. "Are absolutely false. All of the dementors are stationed at their posts and have not left the cells they guard, even for a minute." Lets just hope our own Minister of Magic isn't pulling a Harry Potter on us, shall we?_

I flipped the page over nastily, without bothering to finish the article. I searched for something else to read, seething at the Minister's foolishness. Why couldn't the imbecile's at the _Prophet_ leave that boy alone? I had heard about the dementor attack on Harry Potter from Tonks, and about the hearing that was to take place on August twelfth. I knew he was Black's godson, but I didn't hold that against him. The _Prophet _needed to print news of more importance - like the fact that dementors had broken away from Azkaban and were now attacking unsuspecting witches, wizards and muggles. Any snide comments about Harry Potter were not necessary or true; He told Dumbledore that Voldemort had returned - and if that was good enough for Albus Dumbledore, then it was good enough for me. Speaking of Dumbledore...there was a small article on the genius professor, but it was not exactly pleasant. From the gist of my skimming, it seemed that Dumbledore had his Order of Merlin, First Class seized from him, and he had been voted off the Wizengamot as well. My rage with the Ministry full blown now, I was surprised I didn't hear the footsteps on my front steps.

When the knock came upon my door, I jumped a little, looking around. These _were_ dangerous times, after all. Scurrying towards the living room, I peeked out the window that was situated next to the door, gawking when I finally realized who it was.

I hastened towards the living room, yanking open the chain lock when I got to the door and opening it quickly to reveal the headmaster of Hogwarts standing outside my front door.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir," I said, still surprised.

"Ah, Saylie," Dumbledore smiled, his brilliantly blue eyes twinkling in his wrinkled face. He had on flowing midnight blue robes with his long white beard tucked into the belt, his hair equally as long. "I'm so sorry to bother you with my presence, without even calling beforehand."

"Oh, not at all," I said, becoming flustered. Had I done something wrong? Why would he want see _me_? Why would he come to my flat, decked out in wizards' robes, in broad daylight? Was someone injured...or worse? The last thought that flashed through my head had my stomach rolling uncomfortably; was Sirius all right? I banished that thought as quickly as it came, angry at myself for even caring. "Please, come in. Is everything...?" My voice trailed off uncertainly as I held open the door widely.

"Everything is fine," He said calmly. "As fine as anything can be these days." Dumblebore walked over the threshold with a grateful expression, ducking his tall body against the doorframe and smiling slightly.

"You have a lovely home, Saylie," He said conversationally.

"Thank you, sir," I said quietly. I was still wondering why he was here, but I couldn't rush Dumbledore into it. I lead him into the living room, gesturing towards the couches and armchairs.

"You must be wondering," He spoke again, following me, and finally sitting upon the sofa. "Why I am here, correct?" I nodded sheepishly. He gazed at me seriously for a moment, and then spoke in a very grave voice. "I was hoping we could have a word. Have you ever heard of an organization called the Order of the Pheonix?"


	3. Chapter 2

_**DISLAIMER:**_ JK Rowling is the genius.

I hope you all like this chapter :) I can take constructive criticism, so review if you want.

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"The Order of the Pheonix?" I asked perplexedly. "No, sir, I don't think I have..."

Dumbledore continued to gaze at me for a few moments with a measuring expression on his face.

"You are close friends with Nymphadora Tonks, is that right?" He asked pleasantly.

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, she has informed me that you believe Harry Potter's accounts of Voldemort's return. Which is why I came to ask you a specific question...ah, but first I must explain myself."

I shifted on my feet and realized I was still standing, looking down on the professor curiously. Drifting to the side, I sat myself in an armchair across from Dumbledore, brushing some hair out of my eyes.

"That, er, would be great," I said meekly. He gave me an encouraging smile and I returned it with a wane one of my own.

"The Order of the Pheonix is a secret society consisting of witches and wizards who wish to fight against Lord Voldemort," He began calmly. "The organization was in effect the last time he was powerful. It is exceptionally dangerous to be involved, and many, many have died. James and Lily Potter were both in the Order while they were alive." I felt my eyes widen at that, but kept my gasp of surprise inside. Dumbledore continued as if he hadn't noticed. "Now that Voldemort has returned, the Order has reassembled and has been recruiting the most trusted witches and wizards who wish to join the fight."

I blinked at him. "Recruiting?" I asked blankly.

"Yes," Dumbledore said slowly. "Which brings me to my question." He stopped, waiting for me to indicate that I was ready for him to go on. I nodded warily. "Saylie, I would like to ask if you would be interested in joining the fight against Voldemort and everything he stands for by becoming a member of the Order of the Pheonix."

I sat silently in surprise for a minute. I had felt the question coming on when he had talked about recruiting for the Order, but that did not prepare me to give an answer.

"You - you want me to join?" I asked, clarifying, although he had been quite clear in his speech.

"Yes, I would. But, Saylie, if you decide to decline the position in the Order, I must have your vow that you will not breathe a word of this top-secret information to _anyone_." He said carefully, stressing the last word.

In that second, I made my decision. It had been ridiculous really, for me to even consider the alternative. My mind jumped back to my best friend in our Hogwart's years, Lily, alive and happy. I felt a jolt of rage in my stomach at what Voldemort had done. Breaking up families, twisting the bonds between friends, the lies, the murders, the devestation he'd caused everywhere. All of it stacked into neat piles for everyone to see, and the Ministry was ignoring it all. Voldemort would continue on his rampage, bringing fear wherever he went and with the Ministry doing nothing to alert the public, something had to be done. It was only right.

With fury, passion and sorrow ridden in my voice, I said to the waiting professor, "Of course I want to fight. Voldemort must be stopped."

"You will agree to join the Order, keeping its secrets and fighting against Voldemort no matter what?" Dumbledore questioned severely, though his sparkling eyes looked pleased at my words.

"I will," I said fiercly.

"Saylie, you must be positive about this. Absolutely sure. The Order is extremely dangerous, let me make that perfectly clear. I cannot promise that you will be unharmed. You are risking your life by joining the resistance."

"Professor Dumbledore," I said composedly. "With all due respect, sir, I have always known what I've wanted in life. I have always had big plans for myself. But when something unexpected happens, like your best friend being murdered - " My voiced hardened on the word and I clenched my fists irately. " - and you living with the reality that you never got a chance to say goodbye, things change. I've changed. I want nothing more than to fight against Voldemort. Thank you for offering me this position, I'm truly grateful. And I've made my decision. To be honest, I think I made my decision twelve years ago when Lily and James Potter were murdered."

Dumbledore looked at me sharply, but not out of anger. His quick, intelligent look was out of wonder. "Then it's settled," He smiled broadly, gesturing with his arms. "Welcome to the organization, Saylie."

"Thank you," I said, smiling a little at his words. It felt like he was saying, 'welcome to the team.' "Professor, may I ask who else is in the Order?"

"Oh, of course," Dumbledore said. "There are many, though you know quite a few of them. Nymphadora Tonks, for one. Remus Lupin, Molly and Arthur Weasley - " I remembered them both from Hogwarts. I hadn't seen Molly in years. She had always been so sweet when we shared a dormitory. " - Alastor Moody, Mundungus Fletcher, Severus Snape, Sturgis Podmore, Minerva McGonagall - " She had been my favorite professor at Hogwarts. " - Bill and Charlie Weasley, Molly and Arthur's eldest son's - " I had yet to meet any of the Weasley children, though I knew about all seven of them. " - and of course, Sirius Black."

At his name, my heart skipped about five beats, then sputtered back to life and banged against my ribcage painfully. "There are many more than that," Dumbledore said, eyeing my frozen form meaningfully. "But you'll have a chance to meet most - if not all - who have been inducted into the Order."

I nodded slowly, processing. He was in the Order. He was fighting back. Well, of course he was...I hadn't expected anything less from him.

"Saylie," Dumbledore spoke gently, and I looked up to find him watching me carefully. "You must learn to forgive him. The past is the past. Nothing can change that, you know this as well as I do."

"Yes, sir," I said, not quite successful in hiding the apprehension in my tone. "I - I will do my best."

"That's all I ask," He said, smiling again. "Now, we have a place of headquarters set up for the Order. It is under the Fidelius charm, and I am the secret keeper. The location of the headquarters for the Order of the Pheonix is at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place."

"Grimmauld Place?" I repeated, my eyebrows furrowing. "Where is that?"

"It is in London," Said Dumbledore. "It was Sirius' parents house. He inherited it after they passed away and he has graciously offered it as headquarters."

"Oh." I thought back to how many times he'd told me he hated his parents and his Death Eater brother. When he ran away from home, to James's house naturally, he had told me at once by owl. Sirius had vowed never to go back. He must be feeling awful cooped up in that house, especially since he's still on the run.

_Why do you care how he feels?_ I thought savagely. _I did care once,_ I argued with myself. _Yes, but did he care for you the way you cared for him?_ My thoughts wandered aimlessly around my brain, becoming more and more convoluted.

"Saylie, there is another request I wish to ask of you," Dumbledore broke through the haze in my brain.

"And what's that, sir?" I asked, truly curious.

"Now, I know this may not be ideal for you," He continued. "But I feel it might be best if you moved into Grimmauld Place for the time being. Just to be close enough to what is happening in the Order."

"M-move _into_ Grimmauld Place?" I said shrilly. I would be staying in his house? Where he lived? Where he slept, and ate, and hung round? That would mean facing the biggest issue I'd put off for twelve years.

Well, I _was _in the Order now. And fighting Voldemort meant no time for silly qualms, even old hatred's between once loves. I could not let this affect me.

"Yes," Dumbledore said. "As I said, it would be much easier, seeing as most of the Order stays there anyway. Are there any concerns with my request, Saylie?" He was all too knowing.

I spluttered incoherantly for a moment. I wanted to fight, I wanted to resist the force. Voldemort was coming back to power and we had to act now. I _wanted _to be a part of this. But how could I face the dangerous circumstances in the Order when I couldn't even face an ex-boyfriend?

_No,_ I thought brutally. I would do this. I would use the dignity and self-confidence I had left to face up to the matter. I could not delay this any longer. And I was so tired of running away.

"No, Professor," I said evenly, mastering my voice. I was quite good at that. "It won't be a problem at all."

"Excellent." Dumbledore positively beamed. "Now, you shall be moving in quite soon, I daresay. Would tomorrow be all right with you?" He looked at me expectantly.

"I will be packed and ready by then," I promised. "Shall I apparate there or...?"

"You may apparate to Wildestone Avenue and walk to Hamilton Square. Simply think hard about Number Twelve Grimmauld Place and it will appear. Knock first, and someone will answer. Unfortunately, I will not be there when you arrive. But I'm sure Nymphadora will be perfectly capable of showing you around." Dumbledore smiled, standing up from his spot on the couch.

"Yes, sir," I said. At least I would have my best friend with me while I did this. That was slightly comforting.

"And now, I must go attend to some other business," Dumbledore swished his cloak around his tall frame as he walked toward the front door, with me following behind. "Thank you for having me, Saylie, and I look forward to working with you in the Order."

"I look forward to it, too, Professor Dumbledore," I said sincerely. "Thank you for coming...and recruiting me into the resistance."

Dumbledore merely smiled in understanding, and with a last wave to me, vanished out my front door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

xXxXx

I packed all of my things in a daze the next morning, waving my wand at random items around the various rooms. Clothes folded neatly into my suitcases, toiletries piled compactly into cases for storage, and the few pictures I had of Tonks and I, my parents and my sister were carefully wrapped and placed into boxes.

Looking down at my sisters un-moving face in the muggle picture, I wondered if she was looking down on me, at my attempts to be tough and stay fierce. She had been older than me, and she always taught me to stay strong. It became out motto, our obsession: _stay strong._ No matter what. She had the same dark hair as me, but with my father's dark eyes and rounded features. I looked more like my mother with the angular planes of my face. Kayla and I been very close when we were younger, and during one of the Easter holidays, I came home to spend time with the family during my third year. That was the time we decided to go down to the shore for a week or two. We were going to stay at the beach house we had rented on the coast. But on the way there, a drunken fool blew past a red light and hit us full on. The car had flipped over, killing my parents and sister instantly upon impact. The doctors said it was a miracle I survived without intense brain damage....I wondered what Kayla would say to me now, if she were alive and knew about my...issue. She had always given brutally honest, but exceptionally good advice whenever I needed it.

_Suck it up,_ I imagined she would say. _Show him how strong you've become and don't let him get to you. Don't you even _dare _to let him see you upset. You are Saylie freaking Mitchell and you will _not _put up with a liar._

Too bad my only sister, who'd given me advice and helped me with my homework, had died in the car crash where I continued to breathe. Since it happened, I always believed it was somehow my fault. I could never get over the fact that it was _me_ who'd stayed alive. When I had been at Hogwarts, one of the reasons Lily and I had connected well to each other was because we were both muggle-born. I knew her sister, Petunia, had hated her for becoming a witch, and I had tried to relate to her situation. But I had never fully understood the pain she felt about her only sister abandoning her...until third year, that is.

Sighing heavily, I charmed my luggage to become feather-light and held them in my hands, looking around one last time at my flat. I wondered when I would see it again. _If I would see it again_. But I banished that thought as soon as it came, forcing myself to focus on what I was about to do.

I had handed in my resignation for Saint Mungo's yesterday, as I wouldn't have time to be working while staying at Grimmauld Place and being involved in the Order. My colleagues had wished me well, not knowing what I was leaving the hospital to do. But I'd left with a smile, fighting off questions of why I was leaving, and if I would be back. I was the only one who knew I wouldn't be returning to work.

If someone had told me a week ago that I'd be fighting in the resistance against Voldemort while residing in the house of Sirius Black, I would have checked them into Saint Mungo's straight away. But now, I knew I couldn't question my decision. This was the right thing to do, I had never been more sure of anything in my life.

Well, I had _thought_ I'd been sure of something...someone. But that someone had let me down, just like most people often did.

But, stubborn as always, I refused to believe there was anything wrong. I could and I would get through this. Like my daddy had always told me, before he died: _you just need to believe._

I hurried into my room to change into the outfit I had picked out for the "special occasion." Tonks and I had always been wild dressers, putting on types of clothing no one else would ever think to wear in public. But today I kept it simple; it was a dreary, wet and rainy day outside, so I decided to brighten it up a bit. I threw on my knee-length sunshine yellow dress with tank top straps. After adding a touch of mascara to my already thick eyelashes, and sticking a charmed, bright sunflower in my dark waves, I put on my yellow ballet flats and deemed myself ready. Looking in the mirror, I thought Tonks would be proud.

Finally, after convincing myself I was truly ready, I concentrated on the street Dumbledore had directed me to and apparated to Wildestone Avenue with a _crack_.

I found myself on a deserted road with a few abandoned houses here and there. At the very end of the street, there was the hustle and bustle of London traffic and many people walking with umbrella's through the light drizzle. I walked along the side of the road slowly, taking a look around me at the empty bareness of it all.

I tried not to think about what I was about to do as I finally reached the end of the street and stepped into the crowd of citizens walking this way and that. Holding my luggage and gazing around myself, I realized I was at an intersection of two roads that formed a square around the many shops and buildings around it. This, I realized, was Hamilton Square.

On one side of the square, there was only a single row of apartments. Everywhere else was surrounded by muggle shops and businesses. I decided to start at the row of apartments, stepping onto the side of the busy street and gazing up at the buildings, which were separated by very small spaces that formed alleyways coming off of the main road. People pushed beyond me roughly, irritated that I had decided to just stop in the middle of their path. Ignoring them, I took a deep breath.

_I can do this,_ I thought. _I just need to believe. I can do this. I can._ Stepping closer to the various apartments, I remembered what Dumbledore had told me.

I had to think of the address of the headquarters, that was it. Okay. Simple. Easy. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my frazzled nerves.

_Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place._

Opening my eyes, I looked in front of me, first anxiously, then in astonishment. A large building had shoved its way between the opening of Number Eleven and Number Thirteen. It grew bigger and bigger, with many windows and a tall door painted black. I glanced around at the surrounding muggles, but they just kept on trucking, oblivious to the structure that was appearing magically between the apartments. Of course they would not be able to see it, but it was still strange.

I walked timidly up the front steps of the now fully-present building. The dark door had a brass knocker upon its surface, hanging in the shape of a serpent. That would have seemed odd if I had not known what Sirius's parents had been like. There was also a doorbell off the side of the doorframe, surrounded by a bronze design. I decided to ring the bell, thinking they wouldn't be able to hear me if I knocked.

Taking several cleansing breaths, I gathered up what was left of my dignity and courage, and pressed my finger to the bell.

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"SAYLIE!" Tonks threw open the foor with a flourish, yelling at the top of her lungs. There were several people behind her, but I couldn't see their faces due to the extreme dimness in the house beyond. I smiled broadly at my friends' genuine excitement, thinking of what an optimist she was.

"Hullo, Tonks," I said, laughing a little.

"Nice outfit," She smirked at me, reaching out for a hug. I embraced her back for a moment then, bent down to retrieve my luggage that I had placed on the porch.

"Thanks," I said coolly. "I knew you'd appreciate it." She snorted, rolling her eyes.

"I'm serious. I approve." She stepped aside, ushering me into the house quickly.

Once inside, I got a scarce glance of many dark objects filling the spaces on the walls, and a large troll leg used as an umbrella stand, before Tonks shut the door and we were engulfed in complete darkness.

"Er," I muttered awkwardly. I could hear others shuffling around the room.

"Hang on." Tonks cursed as I heard her run into an object. There was a sudden snap and a lamp flickered on across the room bathing the area in light. My bright dress seemed to glow in the sudden illumination.

I looked around curiously at the dark paneled walls and set of stairs leading who knows where. I saw a few people looking back at me just as inquisitvely and I smiled wanly at the group. I was about to say something, anything to break the tense silence.

But then the screaming started.

"_Mudbloods! Filth! Traitors, all of you! How dare you darken my doorstep! How dare you inhabit my home!" _The terrible voice shrieked through the room without stopping, keeping up a constant stream of curses and insults. I turned on the spot, looking for the source of the sound, my eyes finally resting on a large portrait of an intensely ugly woman. She had pale, clammy skin and wide dark eyes that looked slightly insane as they rolled back into her head with her shouts. A thin line of drool was coming out of her open mouth, showing extremely crooked and yellow teeth behind her lips and her dark hair was tangled around her face.

"_Shut up!_" Tonks screeched back at her. It was then that I saw her bobbing pink head trying to pull closed a set of thick, dark red curtains that framed the portrait.

A man with graying hair and lines on his face, wearing tattered robes rushed over to help her. Together, they were able to yank the curtains closed and within a moment, the yells stopped completely.

"Well," I said to the quiet room. "What a warm welcome." Several of the people laughed and I peered around again, curious.

"How are you, Saylie?" The man who had helped Tonks came over to me, holding out his hand. "I daresay you remember me?" Looking up into the worn, but smiling face, the realization came over me immediately.

"Remus," I beamed, grasping his hand. "I've been fine, thank you. How have you been?" I had found out about Remus's, ah, 'furry little problem' during my Hogwarts years. It had not bothered me in the slightest. He had been skeptical, but I had told him sincerely, if everyone just accepted others the way they are, the world would be a lot better of a place. After that, he had been grateful and we had been friends. Well, that was before...

"I've been great," Remus said in response. "Let me introduce you to everyone. This is Molly Weasley - " He gestured toward a plump, red haired woman who immediately dashed forward and hugged me.

"Saylie, darling, it's so good to see you," She fussed.

"It's great to see you too, Molly," I said sincerely. "I'm glad to see you're well."

" - These are her children Fred, George, Ron and Ginny," Remus continued, pointing out the four other red heads in the room. The three boys reached forward to shake my hand and the girl smiled warmly, waving. "The older children and Arthur are downstairs, in the kitchen. You'll meet them in a minute. This is Hermione Granger - " A pretty girl with rather bushy brown hair reached forward and said hello. "And this is Harry Potter."

The Boy Who Lived. He was tall and wiry, with jet black hair and startlingly green eyes. My stomach jolted uncomfortably. Lily's eyes. He looked exactly like James, a replica, except for the eyes. But I figured he would be tried of hearing that, just as he had to be sick of people making a fuss about meeting 'The Chosen One.'

"Nice to meet you," I said to him simply, shaking his outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet all of you."

They all murmured in agreement, and I glanced curiously at Remus, who's eyes had darted toward the shadows by the door nervously.

I had not been prepared for the voice that spoke suddenly, nor had I been ready to see the tall figure step out of the darkness and into the circle of light where everyone stood.

He looked similar, yet different at the same time. He still had the long, dark hair that fell into his clear grey eyes with an easy grace. He was still tall and muscular with the air of confidence in his stance. But he was pale, and thinner than he had been, the result of twelve years in Azkaban. But even through those terrible times, he had still stayed devastatingly handsome.

"Hello, Saylie," Sirius spoke quietly through the eerie silence.


	4. Chapter 3

I just blinked back at him. I had tried to prepare myself for this moment, but I hadn't been warned. He had just stepped out of the shadows, just as he had stepped out of my life twelve years ago. I was trying hard not to hyperventilate at the sound of his deep, still incredibly sexy voice. Azkaban had roughened him up more, but I could still see part of the man I'd thought I knew.

"Hello, Sirius," I replied blankly. I could feel the stares of the others in the group fastened on me, but I couldn't bring myself to care. It was obvious they knew all about Sirius's and my history together. There was a long silence where we just stared each other down. I saw something flicker in his eyes, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Remorse? It had better be. It sure as hell hadn't been my fault we were torn apart, and I'm not just talking about Azkaban. It was more than that; this went deeper. I wanted to reach out and touch his face and at the same time, I wanted to hex him into oblivion. I couldn't figure out what to do with myself. Should I say something more? Should I act cold and cruel? These thoughts bounced around in my head as I tried to control my expression. Half of me wanted to smile and hug him, tell him I missed him and to just put everything behind us. But the other half, the more rational part of me, warned myself not to get too close. I just had to calm down and breathe.

"Well!" Tonks clapped her hands together, breaking yet another awkward silence. "Shall we go down to the kitchens and meet the rest of the gang?"

I turned towards her, trying to hold in my insane laughter. It was just so awkward, so tense and disturbing, it was absolutely ridiculous, and Tonks' cheery voice probably wasn't helping much. I wanted to laugh but I wanted to cry. I wanted to sing but I wanted to hit something. This entire situation had me wrapping my arms around my middle and biting my lip to keep the laughter inside.

"Saylie?" Tonks questioned, arching an eyebrow at my shaking form. "Are you alright?"  
Hearing those words, I gave in to the absurdity and started hysterically laughing in the middle of the group of people. I laughed and laughed, clutching at my sides and taking gasping breaths. After a minute, Tonks joined in with me.

"You'll get used to her madness," Tonks told the room at large. Wiping my eyes, I stood up straight and beamed, not even caring if I had embarrassed myself. From the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw Sirius smirking. "She's such a loon." Tonks then grabbed my arm and pulled me down a narrow hallway, filled with alarming dark artifacts. It was so dim and dreary in that house. I saw the others move to follow us, and caught a glimpse of Harry going to stand next to Sirius, clapping his shoulder reassuringly. I watched Sirius shrug from the corner of my eye, and saw the look of...dare I say it, _caring _come over his features as he looked at Harry. I knew Sirius was his godfather, so the look should not have surprised me. But something about it seemed so...affectionate. It was obvious Sirius was very fond of the boy.

"I'm glad I wore my yellow dress," I told Tonks conversationally, hearing the sounds of the rest of the group following behind us down a small flight of stairs. "Merlin knows this house needs some light." I heard Remus chuckle behind my right shoulder.

Once we got down the steps, Tonks took a sharp left and we were suddenly in a large dungeon-like room with a long table in the middle and chairs situated around it haphazardly. There were cooking items and appliances against the walls and a window was embedded into the wall beside them, the sun shining meekly through the clouded glass.

"Ah, Saylie." A red-haried, though slightly balding man stepped forward donned in tattered wizards robes, his glasses askew upon his cheerful face.

"Arthur," I said immediately, smiling at him. I shook his hand and stepped back, seeing others sitting at the table.

"These are my two eldest sons," Arthur gestured toward the two men. One was leaning back in the chair, his long pony tail swinging, and the other was drumming his fingers on the table, looking bored.

"I'm Bill," Said the one with the pony tail, coming over to grasp my hand breifly.

"Charlie," The other man said with a wave. I murmured hello and then turned to Tonks who gave me a significant look. She was referring to that scene back in the entry way, my seeing Sirius and laughing hysterically. I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head, feeling others eyes on me.

"The Order is having a meeting tonight," Tonks informed me. "We're going to discuss...er - " She broke off, glancing around at Harry, Hermione and the Weasley's. "Stuff," She finished lamely.

"All right." I nodded at her.

"But first." Molly Weasley bustled over to the stove. "We're going to see what we can do with all of the cleaning."

"Cleaning?" I questioned.

"This place hasn't been lived in for years," Sirius spoke up from behind me. I whirled to look at him in the face. "And my parents didn't exactly take the best care of it. We've been refurbishing the rooms that have been...infested."

"Oh. I see." Then a word of that scentence registered in my brain. "What do you mean 'infested'?"

"I mean," Sirius said, smirking slightly. "Things that should not be in a home have decided to nest here."

"Exactly," Molly said, sounding somewhat irritated. "And if we don't get a move on, we won't have time to eat before the meeting. So we'll try to tackle multiple rooms at once, this time." She put on her no-nonsense business tone. "We'll break it off into teams. I will rid the drawing room of Nixies with Tonks. Harry and Ron, you two can kill off the Muzzlers and Nymphs in Saylie's room. Make sure you get them all, we don't want her attacked. Ginny and Hermione, you go through the drawers and bureau's in the parlor and sort out the necessary items. That leaves you two," Molly pointed towards Sirius and I.

"What?" I asked tonelessly. She wasn't really going to pair me with _him_, was she? Not when I just got here...

"You and Sirius can scrub out the guest room," She thrust a bucketful of soapy water into my hands, along with two sponges and two pairs of gloves.

"Er, Molly," Sirius said, sounding amused. "We have wands, you know."

"Yes, but you of all people should know about the charms your dear mother put on all of the rooms," Molly said, frowning. "There are anti-magic charms everywhere. Apparently, your parents didn't want you taking anything important out of their house. You two will have to resort to muggle cleaning."

Sirius just looked at her. "Its alright," I said to Molly. "My parents taught me well. _I'll _be able to handle it, at least." I glanced at Sirius, smiling innocently when he narrowed his eyes. My stomach flipped and I turned away, annoyed with myself. This was Black, for Merlin's sake. He was a liar, a dirty liar. Scrubbing out the guest room was going to be torture.

"Come on," He said, leading me out of the kitchen and back up the stairs as Molly handed out the rest of the cleaning supplies. Once we got back to the entrance, Sirius headed up another flight of stairs that was to the left of the door. We reached the top and turned right into a long hallway, with disturbing plaques of decapitated house elf heads along the wall.

"What charming decorations," I said awkwardly.

"Courtesy of dear old mum," Sirius muttered darkly. He turned his head to look at me, something unidentified flashing through his eyes. Looking into them, I found myself trapped. His eyes were not cold and harsh, like so many pairs of grey eyes were. His were a bright silver, with just the right amount of warmth flickering through them to make them glow. "So, how have you been?" He asked lightly.

I broke away from his stare, looking down and scowling at the dark red carpet that adorned the floor of the hallway. "Just fine, thanks," I replied coolly. "And yourself?"

"I've been better," Sirius said, mimicking my tone. We reached the guest room, a tiny space with walls painted a dirty off-white and two windows that were so filthy, you couldn't see out of them at all. There was a bed pushed up against one wall with brass frame and the floor was grimy, rubbish littering the wooden planks here and there.

"We've got a lot of work to do here," I said quietly. Sirius didn't say anything, just set the bucket down on the floor and picked up a sponge.

"I'll start with this wall here," He said, gesturing. "You can start with the windows." I nodded in agreement and set to work. We didn't speak, and the only time we came within proximity of each other was when we dipped our sponges back into the soapy water.

"You're better at this muggle cleaning than you give yourself credit for," I noted, watching him scrub the grubby wall. Sirius let out his laugh like a bark and I reveled in the sound of it, trying not to let my smile show. Unfortunately, I wasn't as good at hiding it as I thought.

"What are you smirking at?" He asked mockingly.

"Oh, nothing." I squeezed out the sponge, bits of foam falling into the bucket at my feet. As I turned abruptly to splash the cold water against the window, a spray of water accidentally hit Sirius full in the face, just as he bent to put his sponge back into the bucket.

"Oi!" He yelled, wiping his face on his sleeve. He looked up into my surprised face and I lost it for the second time that afternoon.

"I'm - sorry!" I gasped between giggles. I couldn't stop laughing - that is, until Sirius wet his sponge and threw it at my head. The water squelched against the side of my face, sticking my dark hair to my cheek. "Sirius!" I screeched, still fighting the laughter. Before he could reply, I picked up the bucket.

"Don't you dare," He said seriously.

"What's that?" I asked innocently. "I can't hear you, I think I have some _water _in my ear."

"Very funny, Saylie," Sirius said smirking that insufferable smirk of his. I shivered when he said my name - but that was just from the cold water against my skin, I told myself firmly. "You won't do it. I know you won't."

My eyebrows went way up, disappearing into my side bangs. "Oh really?" I said conversationally, as if commenting on the weather. It felt like old times with Sirius, in Hogwarts and out. When we had teased each other and had fun. Being together had been so comfortable in the past, it felt strangely reassuring to be falling into this old pattern. "Well, I hate to burst you bubble, but - " Without finishing my sentence, I tipped the bucket horizontally and chucked the water out, watching with amusement as it soaked the entire upper half of his body.

"Bloody hell," He said, spitting the bubbly water out of his mouth. He looked up, grinning like an idiot. Even with his long hair scraggly and disheveled, he was still strikingly attractive. "I stand corrected."

"Told you," I said smugly.

"Sure you did, love," Sirius laughed. But then, realizing what he said, his eyes widened.

I turned away swiftly, hiding my expression. 'Love'. It had been a type of nickname he had called me...twelve years ago. I used to like it when he called me that. I wasn't sure how I felt about it now. I knew I should have been annoyed, maybe even angry at what he'd called me. But I couldn't bring myself to feel the right kind of revulsion. I wasn't mad that he had called me 'love'. I was mad that I _liked_ it.

"We should clean this up," Sirius said hesitantly to my back.

"Yes," I agreed. "I'll go downstairs for some towels." Spinning around quickly, I scurried towards the door. The sooner I got out of there, the better. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw this tortured expression on Sirius's face, an expression I was sure had not been meant for me to see.

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After cleaning up properly in the guest room, Sirius and I headed downstairs to eat quickly before the meeting. I felt the beginnings of a headache pulsing through my temples, but ignored it completely. Everything was moving so fast; it seemed like just yesterday I had been comfortably at my flat, moving on with my life in the normal routine. And here I was the next day, inducted into the Order and having water fights with Sirius Black.

"Oh, there you are," Molly said once we came into the kitchen. "We've been waiting for you two. Unfortunately, Fred and George have made it impossible to have supper before the meeting." She shot a murderous glance at the twins, who shrugged simultaneously. "Honestly, just because you're of age now does not mean you need to use magic for every little thing!" I couldn't help but laugh, and at the sound Molly's face softened slightly.

"Its alright, Molly," Sirius said, moving to sit down at the table where there were several people from the Order. I recognized Tonks, Remus, Arthur, Charlie, Bill, Severus Snape, Mundungus Fletcher, Alastor Moody, and a tall man with dark skin and a gold hoop earring.

Noticing my stare, the man stood and leaned over the table, offering his hand to me. "I'm Kingsley Shacklebolt," He said in a very deep voice. "And I assume you are Ms. Saylie?"

"Yes," I said, shaking his hand. He chuckled, glancing slyly over at Sirius, who had pulled up a chair next to Remus.

"I've heard...quite a bit about you," He said, still snickering.

"I just bet you have." I yanked my hand out of his grasp and sat down next to Tonks, who grinned maniacally.

"Alright." Molly came over to the table. "You lot, go upstairs." It was then that I realized Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the twins were shuffling around the kitchen, probably hoping to catch a piece of news about the Order from the looks on their faces.

"But mum - " Ginny started.

"No, I won't hear complaints," Molly said firmly. "Out!" They all took one last look around and left the kitchen grumbling.

"Now," Remus said as soon as the group had left. "Where are the maps, Arthur?"

"Right." Arthur pulled out several set of complicated blueprints. "We better get Saylie caught up here."

"Alright." Remus cleared his throat. "Saylie, these are blueprints of the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic. Voldemort - " Several people winced at the name, but I ignored it. " - is looking for a weapon, a weapon he didn't have the last time he was in power. That weapon is a prophecy made before Harry Potter was born. We have reason to believe it holds valuable information to Voldemort's return. We don't know yet what the prophecy says, but we do know that it's located somewhere in the Department of Mysteries. Now, we have the blueprints of the Ministry here." He splayed out the maps across the table, and I bent forward for a closer look. I could feel Sirius's stare, but I tried not to let it get to me.

The blueprints were complex and very detailed, with labels everywhere, and it undoubtedly had the exact pin-points of where everything was.

"We've been doing guard duty on the entrance to the Department of Mysteries," Arthur informed me. "Different people have different nights. The Ministry obviously doesn't like what we're up to, so we don't make it noticeable that we're keeping watch. There's just a table set up and we go in late at night to keep lookout for anything suspicious, which includes possible Death Eaters."

"Okay," I said slowly, absorbing every detail of what they were telling me.

"It has a possibility of getting dangerous," Remus said. "But we'd like to distribute the guard duty to most of the people in the Order."

I saw what he was getting at and shrugged easily. "I'll do it."

"Excellent." Remus smiled. "But you don't have to do guard duty for a while, we've got it all set up for now. Now, on to the other information." He looked toward Kingsley expectantly.

"There have been some disturbances at the Department of Mysteries," Kingsley reported immediately. "As you know, I'm in charge of the hunt for Sirius, but I caught wind of the Minister saying there was a breach in security when I went to give him a false lead."

"A breach in security..." Tonks repeated slowly. "What, someone broke in?"

"Possibly," Remus said. "That, or someone tried to charm the security. We'll have to be even more careful when we keep lookout, there may be dark spells around the vacinity."

I listened raptly, letting this all soak into my fried brain. They didn't know what the prophecy meant. What could be so important about that prophecy that Voldemort needed to get his hands on?

"That's what we've been trying to figure out," Tonks said to me, and I realized I'd been speaking out loud. "But Dumbledore knows whats in it, so we've got to put our trust in the genius."

"I see." I looked down at my folded hands on the table. My knuckles were white with the force of my fingers gripping onto each other.

"So," Snape's cool, greasy voice came out of a corner of the kitchen. "Everyone here must do some form of guard duty...except Black, of course."

I could tell that he was starting trouble, and I remembered that I had hated Snape whilst at school.

"Severus," Remus said sharply. "You know full well that Sirius can't leave Grimmauld Place. It could be dangerous for him, we don't want him chucked back in Azkaban."

I kept my eyes on my hands, tensing at the mention of the prison. Tonks shifted slightly in her seat, and I knew she was thinking the same thing I was; Sirius would not let that go without a comeback of his own.

"Listen here, Snivellus," Sirius snarled. "I've been dying to get out of this rotten place for ages, but I gave my word to Dumbledore. Be grateful I even allow your greasy self in here and that I don't hex you where you stand."

"Is that a threat?" Snape asked lightly, sneering in his sickening way. He digusted me, the slime ball. As if Sirius really wanted to be cooped up in here. _There you go again_, I thought to myself, irritated. _Defending him. This is not your place to interfere. And besides, after what he did, he doesn't deserve to be defended._

"Yes," Sirius said, sounding pleased that Snape had caught on so quickly. "It is."

"Well, while you sit here making empty threats, Black, the rest of us will be doing _important_ things for the Order. _Helpful_ things that will actually make a difference," Snape said coldly. "I am risking my life for this cause. And you? You'll be staying here, catching up with one of your many old girlfriends."

I'd heard enough. I stood up quickly before Sirius had a chance to reply and made my way toward the door. Unfortunately, I had to pass Snape on my way out of the room. As I moved past him, I laughed right in his face, leaning in close so no one else would hear what I whispered.

"What would Lily think?" Snape's face paled of what little color there was. Whipping out his wand in a flash, he turned towards me in fury. _So much for not interfering,_ I thought to myself.

"_What did say to me?_" He hissed, grabbing hold of my wrist and squeezing hard. Instead of pulling away, my first reaction at the pain in my arm, I jerked my chin up and put my golden eyes on his cold black ones. In truth, I had not expected him to become as angry as he did, but I faced him daringly anyway.

I was vaguely aware of Sirius saying loudly, "Oi, what's going on here?" But no one decided to answer him, everything and everyone becoming still.

"Severus," Remus warned in a severe tone, but Snape just snarled angrily, sparks flying out of his wand that was pointed towards my face.

"You heard me," I said quietly. The room was silent; it seemed that no one even dared to breathe. "You act like such a big wizard with a scary wand, when really you're just an immature, broken man who won't let go of a schoolboy grudge." I wrenched my arm out of his grasp as he stood there, surprised and spluttering in rage. Without even a glance at anyone else in the room, I turned on my heel and disappeared out of the kitchen door.


	5. Chapter 4

_**DISCLAIMER:**_ I own nothing you recognize.

In light of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince coming out, I'm updating :) I saw the movie and personally, I thought it was great. I hope you all like this chapter, its basically just a filler. Let me know what you think!

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Things calmed down over the next week, Snape and I avoiding each other on the several occasions he came to Grimmauld place. Sirius and I had not spoken alone since the water incident on the day of my arrival, and I was annoyed with myself that I seemed so conscious of his presence. But I ignored all of my misgivings, going about the house as cheerful as always. Harry had gone to his hearing and been cleared of all charges, thanks to Dumbledore. Sirius had acted relieved for Harry, but I'd had plenty years practice of reading his face; I could tell he was slightly disappointed that his godson would not become an outcast, spending more time with him. I just avoided him, talking and spending most of my time with Tonks, Remus and Molly.

"Wotcher, Saylie," Tonks said to me about a week after I arrived at Grimmauld place. "We're taking the Hogwarts lot to King's cross. Harry's got the whole guard with him, so I don't think we'll actually need you there this time, if you want to stay here." She raised her eyebrows, and I knew what she was thinking. Sirius didn't get to leave the house either.

"Oh, well, I was hoping I could come with you...." I said hesitantly. There was no doubt in my tone that I wanted to avoid any awkward situations.

"'Course you can," Tonks said at once. " We won't be more than a couple of hours. Some people need to be stationed around Hogsmeade, so we'll be setting everything up tonight for Harry's return to Hogwarts. Dumbledore's taking no chances."

"Of course. When are we leaving?"

"As soon as everyone's collected their belongings. Do me a favor, will you? Can you go up to the third landing and grab Ginny's luggage? She left it on the stairs and I'm in charge of making sure all of the bags get to the car. We're sending all of the luggage in a muggle car with Arthur and we're walking with the guard to King's Cross. Arthur couldn't get the Ministry cars again this year...for obvious reasons." Tonks finished, annoyed.

I nodded silently in agreement, and started up toward the third landing, passing by Ron, Fred and George on the staircase. They were arguing over who had seen George's broomstick last. Remembering something, I turned towards them quietly.

"I thought I saw it down in the kitchens last night," I admitted to them. The boys all stopped and looked at me curiously. "That house elf had been carrying it around."

"_Kreacher_," George muttered murderously. "Er, thanks, Saylie." I nodded and continued on my quest to find the luggage. I really hoped the teens at Grimmauld Place didn't hate me, because of what happened with Sirius and I; The way they dodged around me made it difficult to believe otherwise. I especially thought Harry Potter thought less of me, since he was Sirius's godson. They were all obviously friends with him, so I thought maybe they were judging me by my past...I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case. When I reached the third floor, I didn't even bother to try picking up the bags that lay in the hallway, knowing they would be too heavy to lift, let alone carry all the way back downstairs. I pointed my wand at them and whispered an incantation to make them feather-light. While stooping to grab the four carriers, I heard Harry's voice come from a room beside the corridor.

"Sirius, I don't know," He was saying dubiously. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"It'll be fun," I heard Sirius say cheerfully. "What's the harm? No one will know it's me." Harry backed out of the room, halting when he saw me outside the door.

"Oh, hello, Harry." I straightened up, collecting the suitcases and bringing them up with me. Sirius walked out of the room, coming to stand just beside Harry.

"Do you need help?" He offered, condescendingly, it seemed to me.

"No, thank you," I smiled, mockingly pleasant. "I'm sure I can manage." Promptly turning around, I started towards the first step, only to have my horrible footing betray me. I tripped over my own feet, sending one of the bags toppling out of my arms and down a few of the steps. Before I could fall any further down the ominous staircase, I felt a hand grip my upper arm, steadying me; I hadn't heard Sirius come over, but suddenly he was there, picking up the bag that had dropped and giving it back to me.

"Thanks," I said, trying to keep my voice good-natured. In truth, that little slip had hurt my pride a bit more than I'd have liked. _I've been spending way too much time with Tonks_, I thought exasperatedly. Sirius simply shrugged at me, smirking in that arrogant way.

"SAYLIE!" I heard a shout coming up from the first floor. It was Tonks, probably wondering what was taking me so long. I sighed, trying to hurry down the stairs with the luggage while keeping my balance. Sirius and Harry followed behind me, watching my slow progress.

"So," I said as a distraction from their staring. "What are you two up to?" I was suspicious of their conversation before, and I wanted to ask the question without my curiousity seeming too obvious.

"Oh, you heard that?" Sirius asked merrily. "I was just asking Harry if it would be alright if I came to King's Cross with you lot."

"King's Cross?" I repeated slowly. "You're not supposed to leave the house...Dumbledore's orders." I was worried, despite my better judgement. Sirius had never been the most careful person when it came to dangerous situations, and he especially did not have a problem with breaking the rules. Plus, I had made an extra effort of making absolutely sure I could go to King's Cross so I wouldn't have to be near him more than necessary.

"I'm aware of that," Sirius said smoothly. "But what's the point in being an Animagus if you're not going to use your power, right?" I almost dropped the bags again, after finally reaching the first floor. I'd forgotten...Sirius could turn into that massive, shadowlike dog. I remembered finding out about him, James and Peter when I found out about Remus's furry little problem. Sirius continued on his rant. "It's like telling Tonks not to use her Metamorphagus power. It'd be mad, really."

"Sirius." I turned to face him, my expression skeptical. "People all over the wizarding world must know you're an Animagus by now." Reasoning with him was not going to work, I could tell.

"Is that a hint of _worry_ I hear?" He asked in a nauseatingly innocent tone.

"You wish," I muttered. "I'm just saying...Dumbledore won't be pleased."

"Well _I'm_ not exactly pleased, being cooped up in this hell hole all the time," He snarled indignantly. Looking at his ravaged face, I had a sudden urge to comfort him, put my arms around him and tell him I'm sorry. But of course...he was the one who should be apologizing. Not the other way around.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Harry cut me off. "Sirius..."

"Don't you want me there to see you off?" Sirius asked impassively, raising his eyebrows.

"'Course I do," Harry murmured. "Maybe you're right. Everything will be fine..." He grinned, succeeding in convincing himself of Sirius's safety. Sirius beamed as well, clapping Harry on the back. Of course I did not agree, but I pursed my lips to avoid saying anything. Who was I to stand between Sirius' farewell to his only godson? I could tell that Sirius thought of Harry as a real son, more than anything else. It was obvious. So if this was the way Sirius got his kicks after spending so much time caged up in this moldy house, I wasn't going to be the one to ruin it for him, even if I did disagree.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when something wet touched my hand. Looking down in shock, I saw the giant, bear-like dog panting up at me, his tongue hanging out loosely from the side of his mouth. I could feel the surprise on my face; memories rushed back to me as I looked into the dogs' friendly face.

_"Remus," I'd murmured quietly in the dim Gryffindor common room. The Marauders and Lily were all there, sitting quietly on the sides. "It doesn't matter to me what you are. I mean, if everyone accepted others for who they were, without judgement or question, the world would be a lot better place, don't you think?"_

_"Thank you, Saylie," Remus had replied with gratitude. At that, Sirius stood up, coming to put his arm around me._

_"So," He'd said conversationally. "Now you know. We all turn into animals once a month to keep Moony here company."_

_I laughed, turning to look up at him. "So you turn into a dog?" He'd nodded, gauging my reaction. "Show me," I demanded._

_"Show you?" Sirius repeated, amused. "You really want to see?" I nodded eagerly. "I don't know, what d'you think, Prongs?"_

_"Well," James had said thoughtfully, attemping to put his arm around Lily. But she had maneuvered away from him, going to favor a seat by Peter instead. "I don't think these ladies appreciate us enough to be presented with such difficult magical achievement."_

_"You two are so obnoxious," I'd said grumpily. "Please show us?" Sirius sighed dramatically, pulling his arm back from around my waist._

_"Alright." He looked down at me curiously for a moment, and then unexpectedly, Sirius disappeared. There was suddenly an enormous black dog looking up at me, his tail thumping on the carpet rhythmically. I had stared in shock, only looking up when Lily gasped in surprise._

_In front of her, there was a tall stag, with great antlers and large hazel eyes...James' eyes. Blinking, I'd looked back at the dog with interest, but it was no longer there. Sirius stood in front of me again, staring at me unfathomably._

_"Did I scare you?" He'd asked mockingly._

_"No," I said, still dazed. He came over, touching his lips softly to mine._

_"Oi!" James yelled, irritated, having turned back into his human form. Sirius ignored him, deepening our kiss. I pulled away after a moment, grinning up at him wickedly._

_"You _dog_," I said, teasing him just a little. Sirius just laughed, sounding exactly like the animal he'd turned into only a minute before...._

I mentally shook myself, clearing my mind of that memory I would never forget. Bringing myself back to the present, I saw Harry staring at me confusedly. Sirius cocked his head to the side, whining a little, and coming forward to touch his nose to my hand again. I smiled, laughing breathlessly. "You always made a better dog than a human," I commented. Sirius barked happily, turning to chase his tail. Harry laughed, with Ron and the twins joining in when they saw him.

"Oh, Sirius, _no_!" Molly came up from the kitchens with a wooden spoon from dinner. Spotting the enormous dog in the entry way, she raised the spoon to wack him with it, half playfully and half forcefully, but Sirius dodged out of the way with another booming bark. "You cannot come to King's Cross, it's much too dangerous. You could be seen! Someone could recognize you! Dumbledore would never allow this."

"Molly," Remus said soothingly, his hands laden with baggage. "I'm worried, too. But I don't really think there's anything we can do to stop him. There never has been."

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We probably looked like an odd sort of group: About seven badly dressed wizards, six children, four of whom had flaming red hair, and a giant dog barking and chasing everything in sight. But the weather was nice, the sun beating down pleasantly and a light breeze swirling strands of hair across my face that had fallen out of my updo. I had changed before we left Grimmauld place. As I was a bit more experienced in muggle fashion than the other adults, I kept it simple, wearing a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans.

"_Sirius_," Molly hissed for the hundredth time on our journey. "Please, for Merlin's sake, act properly and leave that squirrel alone."

Ginny giggled beside me, and I saw Hermione roll her eyes on my other side. We'd been walking together for a few blocks, making small talk here and there. But nothing exactly prepared me for the conversation that came next.

"Er, Saylie?" Hermione asked gently. I looked at her, raising my eyebrows in question. "What...well, er, what exactly happened with you and...Sirius?" She flushed at the surprise on my face. I hadn't anticipated her asking me straight out like that. She must have known part of the story, at least. "You don't have to answer," Hermione rushed on. "I was just wondering. But that was quite rude of me, I'm sorry."

"It's all right," I said calmly. Of course she would be curious about it. It was quite obvious that _someone_ had been talking about the issue, but surprisingly, I didn't really mind. It was bound to come out sooner or later. I was just having trouble with how to answer her question. "Well...people change. I'm sure a smart girl like yourself knows that as well as I do." I could feel Ginny staring at me as well, listening raptly. Sirius was bounding after Harry happily, with one ear cocked toward us. But I doubted he could hear our conversation. "What happened with me and Sirius was a long time ago, and I've never really been the type to just let things go. He lied to me...and I'm a brilliant grudge-holder." I laughed a little, trying not to seem too anxious. But then my voice turned serious and I looked at the bushy-haired girl beside me. "Things fall apart sometimes, Hermione. The trick is to figure out what to do with the pieces

"Oh," She said meekly. I could tell she was still embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," I said, smiling a little. "That probably didn't clear much up for you."

"Oh, no," Hermione said, looking up in surprise. "I understand what you're saying. It wasn't my business anyway, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Was all I said.

"That's really clever," Ginny stated after a moment of silence. "What you said, I mean. About things falling apart...and figuring out what to do with the pieces."

I smiled again. "It's the best way I could think of to describe the situation." I shrugged absently, watching Sirius bite a flower off a shrub and shove it into Molly's hand. What a suck up.

We continued our walk to King's Cross, conversation becoming more and more comfortable with the girls. I had been starting to think that _everyone _at Grimmauld place hated me, because of what happened between Sirius and I. Everyone, besides Snape, was friends of sorts with Sirius. I didn't want them to judge me, to think little of me because of the falling out between us. At least now I knew that Hermione and Ginny, and probably the other teens as well, were just curious about what happened. I'd taken much worse when Sirius was first imprisoned, with people staring at me all around Saint Mungo's, whispering behind my back. If honest, interested questions were all I was going to get about the situation, I could live with that. I just wondered how much more of this stress I could live through.

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**Sirius's Point Of View.**

I trotted along after Remus on the way back from King's Cross station, having just said goodbye to Harry, Hermione and the Weasley's. It felt great to be out of that damned house, even if it'd only been for a little while. But now I was heading back to the wretched place, back to getting locked up inside for who knows how bloody long. It was like Azkaban all over again.

No, I shouldn't think that. Azkaban was worse - much, much worse. The dementors had sucked every cheerful thought or memory from my mind...all but the ones of Saylie. I knew that I'd left her; that wasn't a happy feeling at all, so they couldn't take it away from me. I felt guilty, ashamed when I had been arrested, knowing that she wouldn't understand the truth. I'd fought so hard for those memories of her - I never wanted to forget. But none of it mattered now, I suppose. What's done is done.

Escaping from Azkaban had been like being born again...until I thought of my dead friends, my girlfriend left in the dark. Oh, and the fact that the entire wizarding world thought I was an insane murderer. So, doing the only thing I could think to do at the time, I went to find Wormtail at Hogwarts, the rat I'd seen in the newspaper clipping, and that was where I met Harry....

That brought my thoughts farther into the present, about fifteen minutes ago. I'd stood on two paws at King's Cross, the better to look into my godson's eyes. He was so much like James, with his loyalty to friends and talent for trouble, but he showed his mothers compassion through his green eyes. Molly yanked me down by the collar, hissing at me to act more like a dog, all while pushing Harry quickly onto the train and ignoring my growls. Now she was going to stop me from saying goodbye to my own godson? She acted as if she was the only one who cared about Harry.

Hoping to give Harry a laugh as he waved through the train window _and_ to irritate Molly, I'd started to chase the train as it moved forward, running alongside it excitedly and feeling the natural instinct of my animagus ignite. I heard Saylie giggle reluctantly as I bounded past her, with many others pointing and laughing. Well, I still had it: I loved to put on a show.

Now, strolling happily back to Grimmauld Place after an angry looking Molly, I looked at Saylie with my perfectly attuned animal eyes.

She had her dark hair pinned up with strands of it falling into her golden eyes, wearing perfectly fitting and matched muggle clothes. She'd always been beautiful, that was what first had caught my eye in my fifth year at Hogwarts. She'd held her slim body with such confidence that I'd hurried to meet the challenge; it took forever to convince her to go out with me, much like it had taken James ages to get Lily to say yes. Saylie's issue was different, though - she did not deny that she liked me, which had pleased me greatly. But she had heard about my reputation and didn't like _that _one bit. Honestly, I had been lying to her at first about "trust" and "committment", and I know she saw right through me, though I denied it for years. Then, slowly, I truly started to realize how amazing she really was. Still is, probably. I had never expected for our relationship to turn into what it did....I'd never exactly seen myself as tied down, with an actual girlfriend. I preferred multiple girlfriends, sometimes at one time. But when I met Saylie...it just didn't seem to hold the same appeal. Strange. At any rate, I had been bloody crazy for that woman.

Now, walking behind her, I thought back to the conversation I'd overheard between her, Ginny and Hermione. My animal ears were much more sensitive to sound than in my human form, so I'd been able to hear Saylie with ease. I'd seen her glance at me a few times, probably wondering if I could hear her with my ear cocked toward them curiously. And I could.

'_Things fall apart, Hermione. The trick is to figure out what to do with the pieces.'_ We didn't fall apart...we were destroyed. Saylie seemed to have given up on even trying to fix things between us. Part of me couldn't blame her; I'd probably hurt her bad. I mean, it had hurt me like hell to leave her alone like that - it worried me half to death, especially during those times. I'd never meant to hurt her, I just wanted to protect her. Voldemort had been on a rampage...I hadn't told her about anything that was going on because I wanted to keep her safe. She had been the most important thing to me - not that I would admit that to anyone, even Remus - I didn't want her to be afraid. If I told her what was going on, she would have been unnecessarily frightened.

At least, that's what I told myself to justify my actions. James had told me repeatedly that Lily wanted to see Saylie, to let her know she was alright. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't tell her Lily and James had to go into hiding. Partially because I couldn't believe it myself.

Now, with Saylie so close, living in the same house as me, I was partially jumpy, partially angry and partially worried. She wouldn't even look at me for more than five seconds; she'd been avoiding me as much as possible, with the exception of the water fight we'd had on her first day at Grimmauld Place.

Ah, the water fight....It had been like falling back into the comfortable, teasing relationship we'd had all those years ago. But I had to stop thinking like this; if Saylie wanted things to be like this, then fine. She could act like everything was peachy, as if she wasn't bothered by anything that had happened. She could pretend I didn't exist and she could make things awkward and cold for as long as she liked.

But she couldn't avoid the situation forever. I half hoped she would try - I didn't exactly want to face her after twelve years, either. Saylie had quite a temper and was bloody stubborn when she wanted to be. She'd argue for hours if this issue was brought up. I used to love arguing with her, seeing her beautiful face flushed and angry, getting her all riled up. It was actually kind of fun - and the making up afterwards wasn't bad either.

But I didn't want to fight with her now, especially over this tense situation that had time to fester and boil over during the last twelve years. I was just glad to see her, even though I could tell she was faking happiness. Even though I could tell she was miserable - just like me.


	6. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything you recognize.

Hey, everyone. Sorry for the delay with this chapter, but its up now! I hope you all like it. More reviews would be great, but I'm not going to demand them. Although, it would be nice to know that people are actually reading my story, ha ha :) It's kind of depressing to think I'm writing for no one. Anyway, I hope you all like this!

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**Saylie's Point Of View:**

"Bloody hell!" I had been walking along the third floor, on my way downstairs to see where Tonks had gone, when a long string of swear words erupted from a nearby room. "Blimey, you disgusting brute. AARGH! All right, all right!" I heard a loud snarling and the sound of clicking nails. I knew who that voice belonged too, and it didn't sound happy.

I tip-toed lightly over to the second room on the right, where the door stood ajar; peeking inside, I saw Sirius on the ground, cradling his arm and glaring menacingly at none other than Buckbeak the hippogriff, who was dancing around the room with agitated motions. His beak was opening and closing in fury and he squawked loudly, flapping his wings at the muttering man on the floor.

"I'm getting pretty brassed off with your attitude," Sirius growled at the large creature. "You're lucky I keep feeding you." I giggled silently, watching his face as it went from an angry flush to dull grey in about ten seconds. I thought he was calming down, for a second - until I saw the blood.

Stepping into the room, I looked down curiously at his arm. Sirius looked up in surprise, but I ignored his hello and sat down beside him on the floor, against the wall.

"What," I asked slowly. "Happened to you?"

"Er," Sirius shrugged, wincing as the action made his arm smart. "Buckbeak got a bit frustrated with my slow reflexes when getting him his dinner." He nodded with his strong chin towards a huge bag of dead rats, covered in blood.

"Let me see it," I demanded. He glanced at me quickly, snorting in response.

"It's fine."

"Let me see it," I said again, but didn't wait for his reaction this time. He'd always been so masochistic. I gently closed my hand around his left wrist, pulling it out of the grasp of his right hand, which had been holding his arm in place. He was warm and I could feel the muscles in his forearm against my fingers. Ignoring these thoughts, I studied the wound in a practiced way, calling on my years of Healing: there was a very long gash running from his bare shoulder down to the crease in his elbow, probably the work of Buckbeak's sharp talons. It was quite a wide gash and would definitely need to be sewn up with a wand. Blood was pooling all around his arm, dripping from his elbow onto the floor.

I looked up to find Sirius watching me curiously. "Well," I said practically. "It'll need to be cleaned. I have some potions for these kinds of wounds in my room, I brought all of my healing equipment with me. I'll go get everything I need and be right back. But cleaning won't be enough," I warned him. "Buckbeak sure did a good job on you. I'll have to sew it with my wand." I waited for a flinch or a shudder at the thought of getting the injury sewn up, but Sirius just stared back calmly.

"Okay," He said finally, his voice bored. I turned abruptly, heading straight to my room. Once I had opened the door, I went to my trunk, rummaging through it noisily.

I grabbed a bottle of this mucky, acid green potion, a bag of cotton balls, some gauze and a roll of paper towels to wipe up the blood. Checking to make sure I had my wand, I went back to the room where Sirius still sat, looking uninterested but moody.

"Here we are," I said brightly, marching in with the supplies. I sat down beside him again, watching his face. "Does it hurt?" I asked softly.

"No," He barked, laughing. "'Course not." I rolled my eyes, opening the bottle of potion. "What is that stuff?" Sirius asked warily.

"It's _Gilopterum_," I replied. "It will clean the cut effectively, getting rid of any infections or germs. Plus, it'll help close the gash. Though, yours is pretty wide...I'll still have to stitch it with my wand." I grabbed his arm tenderly again, putting some potion on a cotton ball. "This will sting," I told him seriously. I lightly trailed the cotton ball down his arm, watching as the cut magically stopped bleeding and became slightly less gory-looking.

"Blimey," Sirius said, staring at his arm. "That's loads better."

"You're not done," I snapped as he tried to pull his arm from my grasp.

"Saylie." He sighed frustratedly. "It's fine." I whipped out my wand, pointing it at his forehead.

"Don't. Move." I smiled sweetly. He rolled his eyes, but held his arm out obediently. I took my wand and muttered the charm as I moved it slowly from his shoulder to his elbow, watching as the cut closed with dark strings attatched to the skin. Picking up the gauze silently, I wrapped it around his arm a few times, taping it down with muggle medical glue, which was surprisingly effective for their advancements in medicine. "There," I said cheerfully, looking into his eyes. "All better."

"No," Sirius disagreed solemnly, shaking his head. "It's not all better."

"What are you talking about?" I asked tersely. He leaned forward, touching my cheek with the calloused fingers of his uninjured hand. He cupped my face gently as our intense gazes clashed, silver on gold. I stayed like that for a moment, staring back dazedly. He was making me dizzy.

"_You're_ not better, Saylie. You can't run from this forever." Sirius watched me closely, judging my reaction.

"I try to help you, and this is the thanks I get?" I said wildly, jerking away from his hand. _How dare he_, I thought, standing up. "And don't forget, _Sirius_." I sneered his name furiously. "You're the one who ran."

I turned quickly to go, but his hand caught my wrist as I spun around. "Saylie," He said quietly. "I'm sorry. I never apologized for what I did to you, and I'm sorry. I wanted to keep you safe - "

"Don't." I held up my hand, turning to face him again. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. "You're a lot more like your family than I thought, Sirius."

His eyes clouded over with anger, but he did not let go of my wrist; in fact, his hold became tighter. "That's not true and you know it. I wanted to protect you! I didn't want you to get hurt."

But I'd had enough of his tired explanations. "I hate to break it to you," I said coldly. "But I can take care of myself. I always have in the past."

"I know that. But if you knew too much...Saylie, I didn't want to give Voldemort any reason to come after you. We were in league with the Potters, and in his eyes we deserved to die. He was on a rampage, killing everyone in sight just because he could! Or did you forget? Our best friends died at his hands." His voiced turned harsh at the end of his statement and he had the nerve to glare at _me._ As if I was the one who had started this.

"I could never forget that, Sirius," I said, deadly calm. I didn't want to attract anyone to the room with our shouting. Here I was, in the midst of a fight, and I was still trying to be careful. I'd changed so much and I knew that Sirius could tell. "Because of you, I never got the chance to say goodbye." My voice broke on the last word, but I held my chin up defiantly. His face softened, and he reached out to pull me closer to him. "Don't touch me!" I shrieked, jumping away from him.

"I'm sorry," Sirius sighed. "I said I was sorry. What else do you want me to do?"

"I _trusted_ you," I said, ignoring his question.

"I didn't know what would have happened if you knew," He said boldly. "I'm sorry I lied, but I'm not sorry that I tried to keep you safe. I loved you. I may have lied to you, but it was to protect you. Believe it or not, I loved you, Saylie."

"And I loved you," I said softly. I could feel this weight of misery in my heart, pulling all the way down to my stomach. I'd avoided this for so many years, but I couldn't do it anymore. Sirius was really screwing with my 'Everything's Perfect' façade. "But I guess that wasn't enough for you, was it?" His face was etched with lines of sorrow, but he narrowed his eyes angrily anyway.

I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't look at his extraordinarily handsome face, knowing the hatred he would see in my own expression. Without another word to the love of my life, I walked out of the room.

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**Sirius's Point Of View:**

"I heard shouting." My cousin stepped into the room with an uncharacteristically grim expression, shaking her bright pink hair out of her violet eyes. She stared down at me where I still sat on the floor of Buckbeak's room. I snorted, looking up at her irritably.

'Well," Tonks said tentatively, coming to stand by the wall next to me. "What was all that about? Saylie just went to her room in a bit of a huff..."

"I told her she couldn't run forever. Then I said I was sorry, and she started freaking out," I explained, trying not to sound too stubborn. "What'd I do wrong?"

"Sometimes it's not what you do," She mused. "Its _how_ you do it." Tonks looked at me impatiently.

"I touched her face," I admitted, shrugging it off as if it were nothing. But it _was _something, to me at least.

"Sirius." She sighed exasperatedly. "Saylie's really confused right now, though of course she won't admit it. We all know she's angry, we heard her shrieking. Nearly set your mum off again. But can you please _try_ to respect her feelings?"

"When did you become such an expert on _feelings_, little 'cuz?" I asked scathingly.

"I'm not." Tonks rolled her eyes. "Remus and I have just been...talking."

"About me," I stated knowingly.

"And Saylie," She added quickly. "You two have been so uptight since she arrived, you haven't even begun to see the _real_ Saylie after twelve years. And now you two are at each others' throats. You obviously still care about her, so - "

"What do you know about that?" I interrupted angrily. Even if I _did_ still care about her, I wasn't going to admit it. Even to myself. How pathetic would that be? Especially since she hated me now. She had changed so much over the years. She wasn't the old Saylie I knew, the one who was always smiling and laughing. Everything she did seemed so..._fake_, as if she were trying to convince herself that everything would be alright. She wasn't talkative or upbeat anymore and she never drew attention to herself. Now she was careful and quiet, wary and cautious. And I knew that _I _had done that to her. Saylie was the only girl who had ever turned me down, and she continued to do it, even now. _Sirius Black has never waited around in the past, nor has he ever begged or wasted his time on only one girl_, I thought to myself. _Maybe you should start now,_ an annoyingly peaceful voice whispered in my ear. The voice sounded oddly similar to Saylie.

"I can tell," Tonks said confidently. "We're related."

"Not that you've had time to see me much, or anything," I spat at her. "Azkaban. Remember? I do."

"Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself," She snapped back. "Have you told Saylie that you were going to - "

"Remus told you about that?!" I jumped up from the floor in outrage. Was nothing sacred? "You have got to be shitting me."

"Er," Tonks said, starting to shuffle her feet uncomfortably. "Yes, he told me about it. But we've been getting closer lately and...we just want to help, Sirius. Remus is your best friend and Saylie's mine....We're concerned." She smiled brightly at her explanation.

"Forget it," I muttered bitterly. "It doesn't matter. I lost the ring, anyway."

"You _lost _it?" She said in disbelief.

"Twelve years ago," I told her. "Probably when I found Lily and James at their house; I'd had it in my pocket and it most likely got lost in the rubble. Everything was a big blur."

Tonks nodded gravely. "But...you really haven't told her?"

"Of course not!" I exclaimed, incredulous. "She'd bite my friggen head off if I told her that I was going to _propose_ the night before I was _arrested_."

I remembered that night, holding the ring in my big hands before I went to check on Wormtail. It had been such a beautiful ring, exactly what Saylie would have wanted. It was a golden band with a small diamond in the middle and a web of fragile golden twines weaving through it. I remember trying to get ready to ask her, preparing what I would have said. I remember...

"I see your point." Tonks interrupted my thoughts. "But...I still think you should tell her. Maybe she'd understand better, if she saw that you really intended to love her forever. It's been hard to believe you in the past, after all, Sirius. Plus, I think if she knew that you wanted to _marry_ her, she'd actually appreciate your protectiveness that happened to be in the form of a lie."

"Why do you always have to be so optimistic?" I said, smiling in spite of myself.

"It's a talent." She smiled back wryly. "Think about it, okay?" She added softly.

"Yeah, okay," I lied. There was no way I would tell Saylie I'd wanted to marry her. She probably wouldn't believe me anyway...I was a decietful liar. It seemed like no one could be trusted.


	7. Authors Note!

Hey, everyone!

I'm so sorry if I got anyone's hopes up that this was going to be a new chapter :( I just had to write this author's note for a few reasons; one, I've been an _awful_ person by just leaving you all hanging without a word and not updating in...forever. And two, I have complete and total writers block. Oh, and there's the fact that my computer recently crashed and _all_ of my stories that I have been working on for the past year were deleted, some of them which I haven't posted on Fan Fiction yet. It devestated me and my writing has been off ever since. I've just been mourning the loss of all my work and kicking myself for not saving my stories on a flashdrive or something.

But I want to thank you all for your patience with _**Twelve Years**_. I hope there are still people out there who will forgive me for disappearing and still want to read my story. It means the world to me that you all have such faith in my writing, even when I sometimes don't. I will be updating it as soon as I possibly can; I'm trying to ease back into my writing mode and get my butt in gear again. As soon as that happens, I will have an update for you all, I promise! Thank you so much, a thousand times, and I honestly don't have the words to describe how grateful I am to all of my readers. :D I _will_ be back soon!

Love, **love**, _love_,

Brittany.


	8. Important Author's Note!

I know you all hate me right now, but if you read the rest of this Author's Note, maybe you'll forgive me. I haven't been updating this story because I came up with another idea. No, I am _**NOT**_ giving up on this story. And I know you've all been saying that you like this story because it's not another Marauder era one. But hear me out, please? I have an idea for another story that is in the Marauder era. I will be continuing this story when that one is done, because **Twelve Years** will be the sequal to the story I'm writing now. Get it? This is not a definite thing, because depending on how the story ends, it might not need a sequal. If that is the case, then I'll be continuing with this story as it is. If I do make **Twelve Years** the sequal, then I'll be changing the character around a bit. She has a few issues in the Marauder era story, but you'll have to read and find out :) I hope you all don't hate me. Please put me on Author Alert to find out when my next story will come out. I'll most likely be posting it on harrypotterfanfiction .com first, but I'll also be posting it on here. So, if anyone wants to check harrypotterfanfiction .com, my username is The Black Lioness on that site. Thank you all so much for reviewing and reading my story. I pink promise, if you stick with my through my next story and the possible sequal, you won't be disappointed.


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